So our “night” ended around 3 AM once we got home.
DH couldn’t contain himself and hooked up the TV.
and WOW. It’s like the TV shows are taking place in our house!!!
(Side note: I think DH may be losing his hearing. Magic Mike was playing when he hooked up the TV and I told him to put it on. And he didn’t!! We’re gonna have to get those ears checked). LOL!!!
And like boys, they wanted to hook up the XBOX and play.
In the morning.
I put on my nagging wife panties and sent the boys to bed. (I still needed to find work pants to buy! So we had to head to the mall in the morning).
I let the boys sleep as long as I could. Till 9-10ish AM. Then we headed to the mall. It wasn’t as crazy as I had imagined, but then again I’m sure the craziness happened in the wee hours of the morning.
Long story short, I found workpants. The end.
Oh. And I ran into my mom.
That went about as good as it’s ever going to get.
(Afterwards I asked DH whether he had seen her and he said yes, that he had seen her from a long ways away, but he didn’t want to point her out to me. Mind you we had DZ with us so when I said, “that’s my mom” he’s like “really?” I don’t think he’d ever seen her. And I’ve known DZ for five years too!)
So anyway. Back to the meeting. Remember, we were at a CROWDED *MALL* on BLACK FRIDAY. What the HELL were the chances that of all places in Houston to shop, at all hours of the day to be there, we would end up at the SAME place at the EXACT same time.
I swear. I don’t know how people question fate or call things “coincidences”. A coincidence would be I check-in at the mall and I see she’s checked-in. Then I would say THAT was a coincidence. But seeing her, walking up to her. That was fate. I was exactly where I needed to be at that time in my life.
So I saw her. And I *knew* I had to approach her. There’s no way I couldn’t. I mean, I would have gone my whole life wondering what would have happened if I had. So they (her & her “friend”) were in one of those center kiosks where they sell calendars and toys and puzzles for the holidays. And I went up to her.
I said, “hi mom”.
She barely turned, saying “oh hi”.
I swear I must have looked like a sad puppy standing there next to her waiting to be hugged. At least that’s how I felt. Finally she gave in and hugged me.
She didn’t say anything so I said, “I got married”. And held up my shaking hand to show her my ring.
She said, “I know”.
More silence. And staring.
I tear up.
I tell her, “I miss you”.
She responds, “well you have a funny way of showing it”.
*screech!* SAY WHAT????
Mind you, I’m the one that calls, texts, or emails her. The only one that ever has. She has NEVER responded. I’m the one that says hi to her at family get togethers, just to get the cold shoulder in return.
Once she said that I sort of slipped out of my sentimental state and got a little defensive. I mean I didn’t show it, but it irked me when she said it.
I looked at her and said, “I’m the only one that ever talks to or tries to contact you”.
Her, “Well you hung up on me the last time we talked”.
Que que?? I racked my brain for when I did that, and came up with a blank. Which probably registered on my face.
She continues, “the last time we talked when you said ‘it is what it is’, then you hung up”.
Me, “last time we talked…we said bye”.
She said, “I told you that you knew the reasons why I wouldn’t go [to the wedding], one of which is I wasn’t going to be humiliated; and you said ‘it is what it is’. You don’t remember saying that to me?”
Me, ” uh, no. I said, ‘it’s your decision’ [if she came or not].”
Her, “same thing”.
NO! Not same thing. I was NOT indifferent to her that night. I WANTED her to come to my wedding. HELLO! What girl wouldn’t want her own mother there??? But what she was saying then was absolutely CRAZY.
First of all, I NEVER said “it is what it is”. Who the hell says that??? But YES I did say “it’s your decision”. Meaning if she was going to come to my wedding, it was up to HER, not me.
Secondly, HUMILIATED??? Why would SHE be humiliated??? What did MY wedding to DH have ANYTHING to do with her??? Just like my college graduation, my high school dances, my prom…those were supposed to be about ME and MY accomplishments. All of those times were to REFLECT on her good parenting skills. But none of those occasions were about HER and her “humiliation” (nor HER wanting to bring her “friend” to my high school dances as HER date when I wasn’t allowed to ask a boy to come with me, nor about HER friend coming to MY graduation when I specifically uninvited him).
That was the absolute last straw. Her words really snapped me out of it. Her “humiliation”. PFFT!! It had NOTHING to do with her. If anybody should have been humiliated it should have been ME, who didn’t have her OWN mother there to see her get ready and walk down the aisle.
But you know what, I look back on the happiest day of my life and I realize…yes, I would have wanted her there. But not if she didn’t want to be there. And obviously she didn’t. She made her bed. Now she’s going to lie in it.
I’ve done EVERYTHING for her. FOR her. not TO her. I graduated number 1 in high school. I graduated from college a semester early, with honors. I got an internship and full time job. What else is there????
Now I’m a grown adult, and a married woman. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
She feels humiliated by me? Fine. I’m done. No more crying over spilled milk.
It is what it is.